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Bears and Boars
November 21st, 2005

Crocodile Hunter "OOooooohhh...Aaahh..

You know what would suck? What would suck is if you were camping and you woke up and a bear was standing over you. That would be one of the things in the world, among many--that would suck.

You know? And then they do that 'arrrghh!' and they look so sweet kind of, on the tv, and then 'awwwooawww...' those big lips, 'awooohhw...' but that would really suck if you were right there. Because bears are particularly nice looking animals. Like if you saw a hyena, and you had never been on the planet earth before--and you saw a hyena you'd say 'fuck that thing. I'm getting the hell out of here.' But if you saw a bear, (bear noises), 'hello, i'm not from here. take me to your...' thwack!

But it's like wild boars too. What do they call them, the little ones--warthogs in South Africa. They look sort of cute, their little tails up when they're afraid, 'yeee!! yeee!! yee!!!' Their tails up in their little assholes, 'yeee!!! yeee!!!' you know? running like this, (sounds).

I saw this documentary on TV where this cheetah, and they set this cheetah up, the warthog sitting there. They say, 'ok kids, go play by the water.' All the little warthogs playing by the water (baby warthogs sounds), then the cheetah (cheetah sounds) and mom and dad are standing like fifty feet away on either side. And they double-teamed the cheetah. And the cheetah's like hauling at full speed.(cheetah running sounds) and then the two warthogs timed it perfectly, and one hit it in the ass and one hit it in the head. Just went 'bingheh!' And the cheetah went 'aaanggghh!!' and (indistinguishable sounds)..."

Date unknown, please submit it.

 


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